I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
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Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
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And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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