If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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