so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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