I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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