He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
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