I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
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took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
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He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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