I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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