He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
