My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
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