Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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