help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
this is an emotional support booty call
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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