PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
