My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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