Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
