im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
