That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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