If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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