I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
