Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
