well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
