so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
My ATM looks so different sober.
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come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
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He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!