this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious