Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.