Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.