Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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