Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
