giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
