At least make sure they are 18
Why
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
