I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
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Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
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I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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