Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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