just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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