I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
