I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Help. Why am I so naked?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
