I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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