Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
