Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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