shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Randomize
