i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
