its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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