My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
