I don't usually arrange sex via text message
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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