Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
