At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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