just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
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