i permit you to call me
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
