I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I wish you could order shots online.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me