if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.