she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
It's blow job season.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
