Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
