Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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