we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
