we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
