Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Come see our sink grown plant.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
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You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
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All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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