This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize