There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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