just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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