His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
being pregnant is like rehab
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
What drink are we having for lunch?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
