And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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