What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
