So drunk its hurt
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Randomize
