She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
