Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
