meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
