I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
