so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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