Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I just found puke in my bra..
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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