Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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