i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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