The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
