i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
