i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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